I spoke to my new sponsor on the phone the other night. Just a way for us to become acquainted with one another as sponsor and sponsee. She told me how she is kind of hands off in her approach. I’m not sure if that’s what I need, but I’m willing to give it a try.
She said when I felt like I was ready, we would go through Step 4 together. Woohoo! From not working the steps to Step 4. Now we’re talking!
Then, for probably the first time, I sat down and really looked at the steps as they directly relate to my life.
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Yep. No problem there. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to look around and realize that.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
I’m with ya. I can see the movings of God in my life, when I allow Him to enter, and truly realize the power he has to restore order and sanity to my world.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Whoa! Stop right there. This is where I stumbled when I read through the steps. Turn my will and my life over to God? Not so sure I can do that. Directing my life and exerting my will is what I DO. My husband’s alcoholic behavior has eroded my sense of trust so deeply that I’m not sure I can trust anyone — not even GOD — with my life.
It would be easy enough to tick past this step with a nod and a “yep.” But if I’m being completely honest, I am not ready to yield to the will of God over my own. So how do I get through this?
I think the first step is prayer. “Dear God, please open my heart to be able to give you my life and my will…” Saying that short prayer over and over is part of my plan. But moving from words to action, well…that could take some time.
I’m really not in a hurry. Like losing weight, I think the slower I move through these steps, the more likely the outcome — serenity — will stay with me. So I’m not going to look ahead to Step 4 or beyond. I’m not setting a deadline for myself for getting through Step 3. I’m just letting God know that I need him on this one, which, I think, is a step in the right direction.
Tags: hesitation, His will not mine, patience, Step 3
