Wow. It’s been almost a whole month since I’ve posted on this blog. Not coincidentally, it’s been almost a whole month since I’ve been to Al-Anon, read One Day at Time and gone to couples’ counseling. I know that none of the above is good for me or for my relationship with dh, but it’s so much easier to coast along as if all is well.
DH moved back home a couple of weeks ago, and overall, I’d give the experience a B. We’ve had some adjustments to make, but in general its been good. In addition to allowing myself to hide out and pretend that “wife of an alcoholic” is not one of the roles I play in life, I’ve watched him let his own program slide some. He went from 5-6 meetings a week when he was living in the halfway house, to 2 meetings this week.
The ease with which I’ve let this all go makes me think that I really should find a sponsor, someone who will keep me accountable to my own recovery, regardless of what dh chooses to do or not do. But the prospect of actually asking someone to be my sponsor is scary. There are two women at my Al-Anon meeting who I know b/c dh is friends w/their dh’s thru AA. I’m not sure I want to be tied in that close — seems like it might be one big, messy, in-bred web. But who else would I choose? Hmmm….I’ll have to think about that.
I’ve also found a second meeting that I think I could go to, at least most weeks. It’s during the day, so I’ll need to block the time on my calendar. But it’s not too far from the office. Going to a new meeting seems really scary, though. The one I do attend (most of the time), I went b/c some ppl I know told me about it and I knew they’d likely be there. To choose one off a piece of paper and just show up, well that’s a whole different story.
It’s much easier to just stay hidden.
