I went to my first Al-Anon meeting the other night. Well, my first this year anyway. I’d given it a try a few years ago, but I don’t think I was in the right place to embrace it then.
So, given all that’s been going on here, I decided to give Al-Anon another try. I got to the meeting a few minutes late and they were already going around the circle reading the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Someone asked me if I wanted to read one aloud. I didn’t.
Once that was done and the secretary’s report was given, I left with five other women for a “beginners” meeting. One woman was the meeting leader who seemed calm, welcoming and affirming. We all talked about who our “qualifier” is — who is it that qualifies us to identify ourselves as a friend or family member of an alcoholic.
The qualifiers were one father, one son, two husbands and a boyfriend. The girl who spoke of her boyfriend was just that — a girl, probably in her early twenties.
It took all I had not to march over, shake her by the shoulders and scream, “What the HELL are you thinking?! You are not married to this man. You don’t have children with this man. You DO NOT have to put yourself through this! Run — far and fast!” I wanted to yell.
After 15 years of marriage, I do still love my husband. But I would be lying if I said that my wedding vows and my children didn’t have anything to do with all the work that I’m putting into keeping this going.
I made a covenant promise to my husband and before God that I would be here “for better or for worse.” I meant it when I said it and I mean it today, too. But if someone had told me this is how my life would be, I’m not sure if I would have signed up for that.
